A few months ago, my job
threw me a huge surprise.
As in SURPRISE BITCH, BUDGET
CUTS, WHICH MEANS YOUR ASS IS LAID OFF. Como que? Is it still 2008?
Yet this budget cut business
came with some nice severance pay coin and priority hiring rights
with another department, and I wondered (not out loud) how is this
not some sort of unconventional paid vacation?
MANNA FROM HEAVEN.
Since it's the first time
in my adult life being laid off, I have learned that UNLIKE the
stages of grief, there are various (jubilant) stages of still receiving a
full paycheck while being temporarily unemployed.
Could be the black chick's version of Eat, Love, Pray?
THE BEGINNING: Decompression Stage
I slept. And slept some
more. I lounged, chilled, and vegged for a solid week. Okay, maybe
closer to a week and a half, plus a few more days. I did nothing. And
just like Peter Gibbons it was everything I thought it would be.
There is no such glee as turning off the 6:30 am alarm, smiling to
the gods, rolling the fuck over and going right back to sleep. THIS,
MY FRIENDS, IS HAPPINESS. No morning routine. No heinous rush hour
traffic. No eight hour days. Just me, my bed, and unlimited options.
I had no
idea how utterly exhausted I was until given the chance to slow down.
Working five days in a row with two measly days off to try to get
your entire life together before you have to do it all over again, is
an outdated and barbaric practice. I fully expect Obama to rectify
this before leaving office.
And apparently, I needed the
break. I'd barely been holding it together since I gave
mybeloved 15 year old fur baby the big sleep. I underestimated my devastation and grief. The months since had been
lonely and emotionally exhausting. I was fragile; teetering.
I like to think my Sassy girl and
a few guardian angels played a hand in this unexpected downtime. I needed time
and space to process her absence from my life.
Good looking out, Sass. ♥
NEXT FEW WEEKS: Freedom
Mania Stage
via GIPHY
Fully recharged and feeling
brand new! This phase consisted of running the streets like a goddamn maniac. Tinder time, baby! Breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, happy hours, after hours.
Staying up until 4 am, sleeping past noon. My night owl wings flew
wild and free. Now out of the work routine drudgery, I had energy for
a social life! I was an entry level socialite! I planned my son's
college graduation bash at a fancy res-tuh-rant. Played gracious
hostess to an out of town guest. I cooked for the kids, who are now
grown ass people; fresh fruit bowls, salads, grilled chicken kabobs, the works. They side-eyed me; asked why I wasn't like this when they
were 12.
I really thought about it.
Gave them the most honest explanation: Back then, your father and
I were divorcing, granny was dying of cancer, I was working full
time, and was completely unprepared and overwhelmed.
They were too young to
understand it at the time, What they did know was that I wasn't the
most patient, attentive, “together” mom during that era. I fell
short, way short, more times I care to admit.
Now I had the luxury of time
and perspective. Possessed a little more wisdom, had accomplished a
lot more healing. My heart wanted to make amends.
So let me cook for you, I
said. And they did. And we'd sit down like a normal family, on the
couch with our plates of lasagna, hovered around the tube binge watching
30 Rock and House of Cards.
It's a wonderful life.
NEXT FEW WEEKS : The
Catch-Up Stage
via GIPHY
Certain shit just falls by
the wayside when you're hustling day to day. Simple things. For me, it was getting a freaking car wash. NOW I HAD TIME TO GET MY CAR WASHED. Not the
kind you purchase at the gas station that mixes Dawn level detergent
into three layers of grime. I'm talking the $25.99 Ultra Deluxe
Double Wash interior/exterior, wax, steam cleaned tires, rims, and
my choice OF AIR FRESHENER. When my ride was done, I was given a
plastic bag that included a missing sandal, two eyeliner pencils, a
set of earrings, an old debit card, phone charger, a gang of bobby pins, and $2.73 in
change. (mostly pennies and nickles) After tipping grandly and
driving off, I no longer felt as if I was riding inside a dusty
coffin.
I also got a smog check, and
registered my car (4 months late.) I renegotiated my cable bill. Made
it to the Post Office during daylight hours! Cleared my house of the
junk mail piles I could never manage, organized the real mail (only to
realize I had an $60 expired rebate check), deep cleaned my entire
house (DEEP.CLEANED.) Cleared out junk drawers, caught up on 76 loads
of laundry. Replaced three defunct battery detectors, scheduled minor
repairs for the house. Gathered no less than fifteen bags of clothes,
shoes, purses, jewelry, and household randomness for donation to
Goodwill. Organized my writing space. Called my Grandmother and other
friends and relatives that I take for granted will be around forever.
The only things I couldn't
bear to remove or donate were Sassy's little beds and play toys.
(tears) I did relocate them from the living room, and into a corner
upstairs – right next to the life sized 6 foot cardboard stand up
of Obama. (yes I'm obsessed with his last remaining months, just let
me obsess).
Result: A feeling of
lightness and accomplishment. And realizing I no longer need as much
stuff in my space or home to make me happy.
via GIPHY
Next up: Discovering What Really Goes on in My Neighborhood During the Day and The Creative Re-awakening Stages!
to be continued......
