It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining. Feels like summer. I'm wearing a cute dress. I’m alive, and sane. I was out late last night, partying with good friends. I’m a bit hung over, and could use a nap. Today I have enough money to treat myself to breakfast and lunch. Tomorrow I will get an estimate on a brake repair, and then my spending habits might change.
But that’s tomorrow.
Today officially began the cartography project with my co-worker. I hung a huge world map across the office wall, bought colorful push-pins, and we marked the top ten places we want to go. My co-worker is an accomplished young man, a tad straight-laced. At 25, he doesn't yet understand the importance of travel. Push past the convention in your life, I say. Stop being so safe. When you are older and have more responsibilities, you’ll either say I’m glad I did it or I should have done it.
For the most part, life is about choices.
I have a push-pins at Morocco, the Balearic Islands, and Milan. Their locations aligned perfectly on the map. I choose to see this as a sign. A sign of hope, and good things to come.
This map is displayed in my office, in a building where cancer patients are treated. A friend of mine was here today. I stood with her outside, after the appointment, looked into her puffy eyes, held her hand, as we discussed chemotherapy, radiation, and life.
Beneath a warm sun. On a gorgeous day.
Twelve years ago today, the Twin Towers fell. Ten years ago today, my sister was murdered. Today, my friend has to deal with the bitch that is cancer. For plenty of people, and reasons, this is a tough day. Though not unlike any other day, really. Because everyone will have a 9/11 day in their lifetime. A day when the awful event happens. When something will annihilate you, mangle your core, and from which you must try to recover. It could be abuse. Loss. A disease or affliction. It could be financial ruin, heartbreak, war, betrayal.
Today I am reminded that life is beautiful and painful, usually at the same time. And you can live fully in both, if you can stand it. Sometimes it takes a catastrophe to appreciate the simplicity of a beautiful day.
Tonight I will drive home, settle in, talk with my kids, cook, watch tv with my little dog curled at my side, journal before bed, and look forward to tomorrow. Just thinking of this makes me enormously happy.
In my life, I've taken plenty of days for granted. But it doesn’t matter. I'm grateful now. If there is a tomorrow, I will choose to be grateful for it too.
Tomorrow, I'll probably complain. But I will be more conscientious about my complaints. There are people everywhere with hard realities they didn’t choose. So I will be thankful for the little things. A cranberry muffin for breakfast, a creative project, a home cooked meal, loved ones, an evening of insignificant television.
It's been a beautiful day. It's been a tough day. Both, at the same time.
And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.
Amen.
