My Delicious Life as a Short Term Lady of Leisure

A few months ago, my job threw me a huge surprise.

As in SURPRISE BITCH, BUDGET CUTS, WHICH MEANS YOUR ASS IS LAID OFF. Como que? Is it still 2008?

Yet this budget cut business came with some nice severance pay coin and priority hiring rights with another department, and I wondered (not out loud) how is this not some sort of unconventional paid vacation?

MANNA FROM HEAVEN.

Since it's the first time in my adult life being laid off, I have learned that UNLIKE the stages of grief, there are various (jubilant) stages of still receiving a full paycheck while being temporarily unemployed. 

Could be the black chick's version of Eat, Love, Pray?

THE BEGINNING: Decompression Stage

I slept. And slept some more. I lounged, chilled, and vegged for a solid week. Okay, maybe closer to a week and a half, plus a few more days. I did nothing. And just like Peter Gibbons it was everything I thought it would be. There is no such glee as turning off the 6:30 am alarm, smiling to the gods, rolling the fuck over and going right back to sleep. THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS HAPPINESS. No morning routine. No heinous rush hour traffic. No eight hour days. Just me, my bed, and unlimited options.

I had no idea how utterly exhausted I was until given the chance to slow down. Working five days in a row with two measly days off to try to get your entire life together before you have to do it all over again, is an outdated and barbaric practice. I fully expect Obama to rectify this before leaving office.

And apparently, I needed the break. I'd barely been holding it together since I gave mybeloved 15 year old fur baby the big sleep. I underestimated my devastation and grief. The months since had been lonely and emotionally exhausting. I was fragile; teetering.

I like to think my Sassy girl and a few guardian angels played a hand in this unexpected downtime. I needed time and space to process her absence from my life.

Good looking out, Sass. ♥

NEXT FEW WEEKS: Freedom Mania Stage

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Fully recharged and feeling brand new! This phase consisted of running the streets like a goddamn maniac. Tinder time, baby! Breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, happy hours, after hours. Staying up until 4 am, sleeping past noon. My night owl wings flew wild and free. Now out of the work routine drudgery, I had energy for a social life! I was an entry level socialite! I planned my son's college graduation bash at a fancy res-tuh-rant. Played gracious hostess to an out of town guest. I cooked for the kids, who are now grown ass people; fresh fruit bowls, salads, grilled chicken kabobs, the works. They side-eyed me; asked why I wasn't like this when they were 12.

I really thought about it. Gave them the most honest explanation: Back then, your father and I were divorcing, granny was dying of cancer, I was working full time, and was completely unprepared and overwhelmed.

They were too young to understand it at the time, What they did know was that I wasn't the most patient, attentive, “together” mom during that era. I fell short, way short, more times I care to admit.

Now I had the luxury of time and perspective. Possessed a little more wisdom, had accomplished a lot more healing. My heart wanted to make amends.

So let me cook for you, I said. And they did. And we'd sit down like a normal family, on the couch with our plates of lasagna, hovered around the tube binge watching 30 Rock and House of Cards.

It's a wonderful life.

NEXT FEW WEEKS : The Catch-Up Stage
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Certain shit just falls by the wayside when you're hustling day to day. Simple things. For me, it was getting a freaking car wash. NOW I HAD TIME TO GET MY CAR WASHED. Not the kind you purchase at the gas station that mixes Dawn level detergent into three layers of grime. I'm talking the $25.99 Ultra Deluxe Double Wash interior/exterior, wax, steam cleaned tires, rims, and my choice OF AIR FRESHENER. When my ride was done, I was given a plastic bag that included a missing sandal, two eyeliner pencils, a set of earrings, an old debit card, phone charger, a gang of bobby pins, and $2.73 in change. (mostly pennies and nickles) After tipping grandly and driving off, I no longer felt as if I was riding inside a dusty coffin.

I also got a smog check, and registered my car (4 months late.) I renegotiated my cable bill. Made it to the Post Office during daylight hours! Cleared my house of the junk mail piles I could never manage, organized the real mail (only to realize I had an $60 expired rebate check), deep cleaned my entire house (DEEP.CLEANED.) Cleared out junk drawers, caught up on 76 loads of laundry. Replaced three defunct battery detectors, scheduled minor repairs for the house. Gathered no less than fifteen bags of clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, and household randomness for donation to Goodwill. Organized my writing space. Called my Grandmother and other friends and relatives that I take for granted will be around forever.

The only things I couldn't bear to remove or donate were Sassy's little beds and play toys. (tears) I did relocate them from the living room, and into a corner upstairs – right next to the life sized 6 foot cardboard stand up of Obama. (yes I'm obsessed with his last remaining months, just let me obsess).

Result: A feeling of lightness and accomplishment. And realizing I no longer need as much stuff in my space or home to make me happy.

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Next up: Discovering What Really Goes on in My Neighborhood During the Day and The Creative Re-awakening Stages!

to be continued......