Why I Won't Quit Kanye

I know, I know. He’s an asshole, he’s a jerk. He’s delusional and ridiculous. A narcissist, whiner, blowhard, idiot, bitchy loud-mouthed clown, and quite possibly an undercover gay fish who everybody wishes would just sit down and go the fuck away.  To all that, my reply is: hmm….maybe. Perhaps.

But yeah, no. Never.

NEVER, I say, because Yeezy is like my pretend little asshole brother who I’m constantly defending on the playground - whether it’s to save him (from himself) when he DEMANDS that a wheelchair bound fan of his GET UP AND DANCE, or to gently calm the confused victims from his latest rant about the functionality of black leather jogging pants. Yeah, he might act like an spastic, asshole prick on Adderall and shrooms, but he’s MY SPASTIC ASSHOLE PRICK. 

Here are few reasons why I can’t ever quit Kanye:

TWINSIES: Basically, I understand the weirdo. We both come from similar, unique backgrounds. Inner city raised, but defied the stereotypes. Our parents were artists and academics, who ensured that our zip codes would not determine our destinies. Also - he’s also a Gemini. A June-born Gemini, like me. So I get the overall, existential Gemini angst.  MOST GEMINI ARTISTS ARE ALIENS WHO FELL TO PLANET EARTH, AND STRUGGLE A GREAT DEAL TO ACT LIKE REGULAR HUMAN BEINGS. Other Gemini artists – 2Pac, Notorious B.I.G., Kendrick Lamar, Prince, Andre 3000, Ice Cube, Curtis Mayfield. Other infamous Gemini’s: Jeffrey Dahmer. David Berkowitz aka Son of Sam. Kenneth Bianchi. So when people say how sensitive, neurotic, flamboyant, unpredictable, over the top, and exhausting Kanye is, my reply is: AND THAT’S ON A GOOD DAY, MY DUDE.

HE’S A MUSICAL GENIUS: Yeah, I said it. Take away the public antics, and every dickwad move he’s ever made. (even though this was funny as hell.) TAKE IT ALL AWAY. Then contemplate that Kanye’s primary foray as a creative is/was as an arranger and producer. You’ve heard of Shawn Corey Carter? Yes, that JAY-Z FELLA. Alicia Keys, Common, Lady Gaga, Nas, Janet Jackson, Brittney Spears, Mariah Carey, John Legend, Maroon 5, Beyonce, Rhianna, Madonna. Ye has production credits for all these artists. So what I’m saying is, IPSO FACTO YOU PROBABLY LOVE KANYE, EVEN IF YOU CAN’T STAND HIM. I fell in love with this song before I even knew Kanye produced it. How can anyone hate this song? 

And then: just cop to the fact that he’s the most successful producer turned hip-hop ARTISTS OF ALL TIME. He’s also one of the most clever, insightful, audacious wordsmiths in the game. In 2004, he resuscitated hip-hop back to a respectable state of glory. Some of these young cats didn’t know naan about Emmett Till or conflict diamonds or Chiraq until Kanye started rhyming about them. But let me tell you, just when Yeezy does something absolutely ridiculous and I’m about ready to quit his ass – I listen to this track. This track alone always brings me back. It reminds me that at his core, Kanye has the ability to create sweeping, haunting, original arrangements that keep me on the fool’s side. Plus, the way he samples Nina Simone’s discography is unparalleled. 

HE RANTS IN ALL CAPS: Nope, he’s not going to calm the fuck down, even on social media. AND HE’S GONNA TELL THE WORLD TO LET HIM BE GREATTTT, YO. There’s something to be said about RANTING CAPS LOCK STYLE A LA KANYE, IT’S DELICIOUSLY EVIL AND SIMULTANEOUSLY REFRESHING. SOME OF MY FRIENDS ARE ALSO CAPS LOC ENTHUSIASTS. IT CONVEYS PASSION AND EMOTION AND RIDICULOUSNESS. AND IT SEEMS TO AGGRAVATE A LOT OF PEOPLE, WHICH IS ALWAYS A PLUS.

HE IS A PURE ARTIST: Not pure as in pristine. Pure as in unmarred, absolutely embodying everything it means to be a creative. Kanye is on that BATSHIT CRAZY TALENTED GENIUS LEVEL TIP. I do believe he is tapped into a higher frequency that most average people can’t access. He’s free-thinking, braggadocious, self-involved, self-deprecating, introspective, hard-headed, egotistical, tortured, impatient, persistent, and refuses to censor himself in any way.  All the discomfort and vulnerability (and triumphs) of being an artist -  he confronts, wrestles, embraces, and bares it all in his work (and life) ALL DAY.  He expresses himself through film, architecture, fashion design, education, social issues, and activism.  Sure he’s a tad impulsive, and might have a legit personality disorder, but whatevs.  Like it or not, he will go down as one of the most iconic artists of the 21^st century.

HE CARES, YET HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK: Yeezy was butthurt over that Southpark parody. Yeezy spilled his entire coming of age journal on wax. Yeezy was heartbroken after he andAmber split. (I love Amber). Hell, Yeezy’s 808 & Heartbreak album was basically a tormented letter written to an invisible therapist. Yeezy was emotionally devastated by the loss of his mother, the only true anchor in his life. THE DUDE HAS FEELINGS. And at the same time, he’s outspoken and tends to ramble (a lot), but will continue do and say whatever he wants. And I guarantee you it will be unpopular and outlandish. And he will keep on, no matter how much anyone (society) discounts and dismisses him, villainizes him, attempts to get him to act right, and play by the rules.  He is an absolute, unapologetic non-conformist and DON’T WE ADMIRE HIM JUST A LITTLE BIT FOR IT. And on an unconscious level, I think any black man who is openly self-assured, talented, outspoken, wealthy, and cocky makes certain groups of people (read: white folks) a tad nervous. Kanye is not quiet, docile, scared, or interested in maintaining the status quo. He’s an arrogant fuck; a wild card. Which means he's basically one of America's nightmares. YAY.

HE’S UNPREDICTABLE: Every time Kanye gives an interview, I squirm in my seat, hoping like hell it isn’t the day we all witness a very public, coke-fueled, manic breakdown. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. From the "You Aint Got The Answers” meltdown to the Jimmy Kimmel shenanigans. I love Kanye even more when he’s brilliantly unhinged. 

HE’S HIS OWN BIGGEST FAN: Yes, he thinks highly of himself. Sure, he’s a braggart. So was Muhammed Ali. Everybody ‘aint gotta be on the humble tip. Yeezus ‘aint gonna stop, and why should he? Kanye doesn’t have to act the way we feel he should act. No one man should have all this power to make folks feel some kind of way about his every move! Let Kanye be himself. Some artists get their point across by being palatable and low key, Kanye blasts his truth and hopes you choke on a big fat dick if you don’t like it. So open wide, peasants.

HE HAS THE BEST GIF’S: Anyone who has ever swapped texts with me on a regular basis, knows that I have an arsenal of Kanye GIF expressions at the ready for every occasion.  This is my favorite: 

via GIPHY

GIVE HIM A BREAK, HE HAS BRAIN DAMAGE: This is Kanye’s forever get out of jail free card, as long as I’m concerned. Remember that near fatal head-on auto collision he was involved in – you think the only damage he suffered was a cracked jawbone? NO WAY. The most obvious conclusion is that his brain was seriously rattled around in that big, roomy skull of his. Of course he’s eccentric and a little wacky, and it all makes sense: it’s called a TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY, FOLKS. Just think of him as Gary Busey-lite.

ADDENDUM: I started writing this post a few weeks before Kanye won the MTV Vanguard award. His speech reinforced everything I expect and love about him, so I have nothing more to add. Though, I think he was just trolling us with his "presidential run" announcement..but who ever knows with this dude!

LAST ADDENDUM: It's 2019, Kanye met with Trump, and said "slavery was a choice."

I quit him.